The Giants couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat?……no, too old and tired……
.The Giants couldn't score if they were Pablo Escobar at a Coke Whore convention?….no, used that one already……
The Giants couldn't score if they were a 10 year old Macaulay Culkin at a NAMBLA meeting?…..no, too creepy…….
The Giants couldn't score if they were Lindsey Lohan on GHB at an Indigo Girls concert….no, too hipster……
well whatever, I am out of metaphors, all I know is the Giants are in a funk so deep that Boosty Collins is on Bass……(HEY, not bad!)……..
But as bad as the Giants were tonight being shut out for a Major League Record 57th straight time (I didn't look that up, but I have the feeling that's right) the Rockies and Dodgers both lost and all that really happened was the loss of one day on the calendar…and really no matter what happens this weekend the season will go on and the Giants will continue their slow march towards Death….no, sorry I mean….the series in Colorado
GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at METS 8/14
GAMEBALL
ZITO
On the heals of the Sanchez No-No, Zito stinking up the joint versus the Third Division Padres to end the first half on a sour note……the "Great Baseball Mind Tim Kawakami" made the suggestion that perhaps the Giants would be better served DFA'ing his ass (paraphrased) which just helped chum the waters as the fans circled sensing blood.Who cares if Zito was one start removed from going 8 1/3 scoreless…..He was a chump and the root of all evil, he was Skeletor, Gargamel, and Tommy Lasorda all rolled into one…..Certainly Barry needed to make an adjustment…..so after consulting with his agent and publicist then decided it was time to say good bye to twitter land……and the adjustment has worked wonders…..since then he has put up 6 solid to decent starts in a row….Although hardly an ace, Zito has done well just avoiding a poor performance….in fact the worst performance Zito has put up in the second half was behind the microphone (click at own risk) So good job Z, keep plugging and if you make money playing music, you will certainly be overpaid there as well
TIP OF THE CAP :
RENTERIA
Actually got a couple hits…..somehow I didn't see them so I don't think they actually exist…….
MILLER VALDEZ
Did admirable work keeping the Mets from showing the Giants how runs are scored…..
JOKER
BATS
The offense was really bad……HOW BAD WAS IT (in a cheesy 70's game show audience style yell)……Well folks…. the Offense was so bad, that BLANK……
Bow wow ba ba ba ba ba ba Bow wow ba ba ba ba ba ba (70's game show music)
The offense was so bad, that…..Molina was #2 in your lineup with pitches seen ….
The offense was so bad, that my fantasy baseball team just tried to pickup any pitcher the Giants could face over the next few weeks…….
The offense was so bad,…. that Velez was #1 it pitches seen at 19 but has an 0 for 4 with 2 K's…..
.The offense was so bad, that a pinch hitting Fred Lewis got the only walk of the day…….
The offense was so bad, that Rowand went 0 for 3 with 3 K's on 10 total pitches………
The offense was so bad, that Bobby Parnell just became the solid choice for Cy Young……
The offense was so bad, that the Giants never got a runner past FIRST base……
The offense was so bad, that Johan Santana's ERA just dropped a full point just by being in the same stadium……..
SMACK OF THE STICK :
METS
What the fuck is going on……turn of the century Giants uniforms with a 69 in center field and Mr Met on the sleeve???? What exactly are we celebrating…..was it "any year except for this one" night at the park?? I was half expecying Ron Swoboda and Christy Matheson to throw out the first pitch……What's tomorrow….Celebrating 1986 AND 1962??? Maybe Doc Gooden and Darryl Strawberry can snort lines with Marv Throneberry…….
SHARE VIA FACEBOOK
SHARE VIA TWITTER
GB and JK ARCHIVES AT THE GIANTS BOARD BLOG
(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)
No comments:
Post a Comment