GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at PADRES 04-20

Happy 420 everyone (especially you Timmy)…too bad the offense looked like they were more interested in microwave burrito's and Flamin' Hot Cheetos than hitting the damn balll…. Sorry, I don't get involved in this stuff….420 was invented or at least came to my attention about the same time that I stopped "participating"…… and by the way, I have personally seen the Physician's Desk Reference (PDR) Herbal Medicines, one of the authorities tomes on medicine… and the first line of the Cannabis entry reads…..There are 420 psychoactive compounds in Cannabis (paraphrased)…….

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at PADRES 04-20


GAMEBALL

SANCHEZ

#4 starter? Hell the way things are going, Sanchez isn't just a #3 on this staff, he is looking like a #2 only behind the 2 time Cy Young Stoner himself…WOW…....I mean look at these stats…tonight 1 hit 10k's this year.12.6 K's/ 9 IP,. 0.98 WHIP, 0.164 BAA, Still walking too many, but when you got a K/BB ratio 3.38 its hard to find fault….Not enough for the win however….heck was even tagged with the loss, but you can't fault the effort……Good job on the GAMEBALL Jon and keep it rolling, the Giants will score a run from you….someday……

TIP OF THE CAP :
SCHIERHOLTZ
On a day of near nil offense, Nate set up the game tying run in the 8th with a leadoff triple…..too bad no one wanted to cooperate with you…..

HUFF
Single to move Torres to 3rd with 1 down in the 9th, sweet play on foul ball giving up the body….who is this guy, and who is the shitty ass player I was reading about this offseason….obviously they weren't talking about HUFFER…..see, he's even got a nickname…..

PANDA
Did his part with 2 hits and a 9th inning walk…..

ROMO
Bounce back from Sunday with a clean frame

SHARKS
The Sharks managed to score and take home a squeaker …

JOKER

3xFU's

WHITESIDE!?!?! DAMMIT!!!
MOLINA!?!? FUCK!?!?!!
URIBE!?! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME
WELL FUCK, the only thing more frustrating than watching a pitching performance like that go to waste, is when you actually get 3 shots to get the tying run in from 3rd in the final 2 innings of the game and fuck it up all three times…..I mean come on….what are the odds……the odds are fucking ridiculous….I mean, let me break this down for the mathematically inclined….I went to Tom Tango's site and looked up the 27 base out states and the chance of scoring a run from 3rd when giving three chances is actually 100%*.....of course then you read the fine print….."*These are purely statistical models and do not apply when talking about pitiful offenses like the San Francisco Giants"….man that Tom Tango is one smart mother fucker…..and we got a trio of JOKERS….



SMACK OF THE STICK :
VELEZ/ BOWKER
Ever hear of picking up your teammates???? Well, Bowker and Velez found Molina Urbie and Whiteside a little too heavy to lift

RENTERIA
2 GIDP…..better watch your ass when Freddy Sanchez comes back….at least until Sanchez hurts himself again……


HUFF
Honestly, you can't reasonably fault him for catching the ball that allowed the tag up and eventual only Padres run……but you know what, I am not held to the laws of reason and if Huff doesn't make that GAMER play, and the way Sanchez was pitching??? Very likely that run never comes around to score…..but who knows……and JT Snow would taken out at least 1 camera man and gotten 6 phone numbers….all you get is welt on your back and a smack of the stick


PS Yes, I know its not really 100%...its a joke....calm down, really its more like 85-90%, probability is not additive...

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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)




by merkin

Giants Starters and Catchers 2010 GAMER or HEADCASE

Enough of this optimistic happy feeling…..goddamnit, we want real baseball already……I want to complain about REAL games…… but alas, all we have is preseason…….well, that and GAMER or HEADCASE……

TIM LINCECUM
Man, they grow up so quick…..and from the rumbling about lost velocity over the offseason you would think Timmy was pushing 36 instead of 26…but all that being said, I am concerned about Timmy's arm, not so much because of lost velocity, but because he is so damn good and so much of the Giants fortunes ride on Timmy tiny little back…..Timmy will lose velocity as he ages, like every non-chemically altered pitcher in the world…..but Tim is a smart competitive kid who knows how to pitch….he can lose a few ticks on the heater and still get outs…..so quit worrying. and enjoy the ride……
VERDICT: GAMER

MATT CAIN
Everything is golden in Cainland, fresh new contract, best season of his career, his wife still has that new wife smell…Velocity isn't an issue here….what could the internets be talking about that could make you worry? BABIP? K's/ 9? Strand rate? xFIP? AARP? Come on people, walks are down, ground balls are up, he's a hard throwing, big strong kid, so relax already, he will be fine….and like Lincecum he is a smart kid, and perhaps even more competitive….This kid seems like an old school pitcher… you know the kind that truly hates the opposition?.....tell you what, look at all the peripherals you want…..I tell you right now that last year's all star game won't be his last…..
VERDICT: GAMER

BARRY ZITO
You could almost for feel sorry for this guy….if he wasn't such a self important ass….2009 was a watershed year for Zito as he transformed himself from and pompous overpaid unproductive ass into a pompous overpaid mostly unproductive ass…. But seriously, Velocity was up, K's were up, BB were down….basically about a league average pitcher, but he was up and down big time with 8 Bill James game scores under 40, and 12 games with game scores 60 and above……we are already getting screwed over on the contract, if Zito can just hold onto last year for a few more years he can be an asset…..but don't expect me to like him….
VERDICT: HEADCASE

JONATHAN SANCHEZ
NASTY NASTY NASTY…..Dude, this kid is just scratching the surface…..the best raw stuff on the staff…. but still raw…..time will tell if he turns into the disappointing Oliver Perez or the moderately successful Sid Fernandez or into something approaching the future Hall of Famer Randy Johnson … If he does put it together this year, it would be one of the few areas of potential improvement in a pitching staff that is already so good…..and when and if he does put it together, then and only then can you talk about this Giants rotation in the same breath as those Maddux Glavine Smoltz rotations of the early 90's Braves….until then the VERDICT: HEADCASE

MADISON BUMGARNER
Yeah, not in the rotation…. but did you really want to read about Todd Wellermeyer???? Madison's promise is clouded by a mysteriously disappearing K's Rate and a big time drop in velocity…..still young enough that this isn't a death warrant, and sure he can be successful with that deceptive delivery…..but with lower velocity, you have a lower ceiling and worse yet……when you have an arm this young and a drop this dramatic…. you just wait for the other shoe to drop…..
VERDICT: TINSTAAPP

TODD WELLEMEYER
I put off Wellemeyer as long as I could... Well, don't really know the guy that well…. but I hear that he blamed 2009 on lost velocity…. after working in the mid 90's in 2008, he dropped to the low 90's a self professed "5 mph drop"…..why the drop? Well he missed some time late in the year with Elbow tenderness, so who knows….Sounds like this guy is a Poor man's Brad Penny….. hard thrower who don't strike people out and has history of arm trouble…..all in all, cross your fingers and watch the speed gun
VERDICT: HEADCASE

BENGIE MOLINA
I think I actually like Molina… I mean his is what he is…..much like Pedro Feliz, he was miscast as the main cog of the offense, which made his shortcomings or speed and not walking get pushed to the forefront… on a better team, he would just play solid D, hit an occasional tater out of the 8 hole…..for all the shit he has taken as a Giant, I would say that he has actually met as much as we could have asked for considering his track record before San Francisco…….now if he could just zip it with the Victim routine, he might get a few more sympathizers…..hard to feel sorry for someone with over $30 Million in career earnings
VERDICT: HEADCASE

ELI WHITESIDE
Just change your name to Whitehead already….make it easier for the kids to remember your name
VERDICT: DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?

BUSTER POSEY
Yeah, not on the club….but you wanted to hear something good, didn't you? Buster is the fucking MAN…. this kid can hit will have some power and promises to get the 2nd home grown GOOD hitter in the lineup…. and with Sabean talking about his "Window of Opportunity" with this pitching staff under contract, you know that Buster's time is this year….. don't matter where he plays, he will be good anywhere…..probably can even play a decent Center or Short..
VERDICT: GAMER


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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> DBACKS at GIANTS 8/26

No, I can't let go of the Rockies series….. and I think most of the Giants fan base has gone from disbelief and anger, to something bordering depression and apathy…. Now Monday was a dramatic win for the Rockies no doubt, and must have been one hell of a jolt of euphoria for the fans and the team…. so what about us?.... where's our dramatic win? where's our shot of euphoria? our history is littered with games where the Giants are that "other team".. dramatic walk off's, playoff wins, momentous occasions…. Hell even the Jonathan Sanchez no-hitter was upstaged less than two weeks later…but tonight was a little consolation, as Bengie did his best Gibson impression limping around the bases after launching a 0-2 pitch just over the left field wall…… nowhere near as dramativc as Sanchez's not hitter, and sure it wasn't a walk off, and it had a bit of a "too little too late" feel to it, but hell we are starved for anything positive, so we will take it thank you very much…..

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> DBACKS at GIANTS 8/26

GAMEBALL

MOLINA

Contract drive 09 is alive and well, and Molina added "dramatic pinch home run" to his list of credentials….. Molina did the expected after getting in a quick 0-2 hole…. but what followed was unexpected…..a high fly ball that just seemed to carry and carry until it nearly scraped off the back of the outfield wall……this wasn't a "towering shot," and that would imply majesty and power…..this was more like the longest popup you have ever seen…..Probably a ground rule double off the roof in Tampa, or a "do over" off the jumbotron in Cowboys Stadium ….but that doesn't matter….in ATT it’s a game winner……..

TIP OF THE CAP :
SANCHEZ
One of his best starts since the no-hitter with regards to consitency…pounded the zone all night with 9 strikeouts and 2 walks….his best strikeout total since the no-hitter, and the second time issuing 2 walks or less….and his strike % of 64.2% was his best since the no hitter where it was 70%

BOCHY
Pinch hitting Molina, sheer genius…..manager of the year, baby!

MILLER
Actually I had planned to give a sarcastic Gameball to Miller, but Molina bailed him out….now in retrospect, with the pen gassed Millers scoreless inning actually is a big deal…..so tip that cap, and go back to the end of the bullpen where you belong….and tell Howry he still sucks while you are there

MEDDERS
1-2-3….no threat to Wilson's job, but got it done in clean fashion, saving Giants fans everywhere from flashbacks of Monday and Tuesday…..

URIBE
Those 2 solo shots the last 2 nights, didn't seem like much when they happened, but both shots foreshadowed the heroics to come…..so Dale Long holds the National League record for consecutive games with a HR at 8….only 6 more to go…

JOKER

WHITESIDE

Well unlike Uribe's 2 game streak, Whiteside has his own little streak going…..two games in a row with an error…but tonight he added a dumb shit flubs not scored as error when he swipe-tagged without a ball….….…gone is the glee of his big night in Houston, and he is actually making us miss Steve Holm…..…..and when Sabean signs Molina to that 3 year deal, he should buy Whiteside a Buick or something….
(and if I just give him the joker again, I don't even have to change the pic)

SMACK OF THE STICK :
ROHLINGER
I am looking at that box score, and I see his name, but I swear I didn't see him in there…..apparently he got 3 at bats, but I never even noticed them….and since I never miss anything, I have to assume that NBC cut away for commercial he Rohinger was hitting……errr, not hitting….. at the plate pretending to hit…….

BOCHY
For playing Winn over Nate and Freddie……Nate has proven he can hit lefties and Lewis is something like 4 for 9 versus Doug Davis (that’s what Krukow might call "Ownage")

WINN
For having a noodle arm, for being in there because of the leftie and not being able to hit a leftie SO OBVIOUSLY that he resorted to popping up foul bunts


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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> DBACKS at GIANTS 8/25

Back from the game and I am beat..... considering this is only the first game of the homestand where I will be attending at least 50% of the games thats a sad state of affairs.....this was a good crowd for a Tuesday night with 37K+ ":attendance" of course that wasn't quite how many people were really there but you had people all the way up in the corners of the upper deck and the bleaechers and arcade were fairly packed....and hey even rich field club seats were 80+% full......but this crowd wasn't here to celebrate....they were blood thirsty......and it was either going to be Dbacks or Giants blood depending on the outcome......this was a crowd remincient of some of the games late in 2004 where the Giants started to blow chunks late (see Benitez)....where every small error was met with something ranging from disapproving murmurs to lusty boos....... but in the end was some semblance of relief, and perhaps the best cheers you heard for the Giants were in when the game was 100% over and the fans were congratulating and cheering on the ramps and in the stairwells on the way out......I got spontanious high fives from 3 strangers... when you passed them by they saw the same look on your face as they had on theirs.....just plain relief from the final out come......and disbelief it was last night was and what tonight almost was........

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> DBACKS at GIANTS 8/25

GAMEBALL

ISHIKAWA

The forgotten man with his 2nd start in 9 days came through big time with TWO big hits.....the first a leadoff double against Haren in the 7th.....he would come around to score the tying run......the Giants could have easily rolled over to lose 2-1......and then the tie breaking SHOT off Rauch over the bricks and good for 3 runs which were just good enough for the win.....
Garko hasn't been as good as advertised, while Travis seems charged up by the competition......and Travis' last start? only a 1 for 5, but was the only win in Denver.....I don't give a shit what I said before, after a performance like tonight, you need to play Travis until he shows the job isnt his.....

TIP OF THE CAP :
URIBE
Solo shot got the Giants on the board, and then actually put the ball in play for the error on the third baseman.....

CAIN
Pitched a solid game overall and game the bullpen some much needed rest

FANS
Came out in force tonight, nice to see the yard full after a night like last night

GIANTS
Those $5 tickets are great, keep it going and they will come.....

JOKER

WHITESIDE

Catchers interference set up the DBacks only 2 runs of the game, making it 2-1 instead of 1-0...... and with Haren dealing things looked grim.....

SMACK OF THE STICK :
BOCHY
Wilson was chewed up, you should either have put Romo in to begin with or had him in the game a batter or two sooner.......1st and 3rd with 1 out and 1 run down, and you put a gimpy Sandoval up there when the DP is your worst enemy??? I go with Garko there, career 0.68 GB/FB.......

WILSON
Sure he was gassed but he still was the man on the spot

LEWIS
Misplayed the ball in left, but made a quick recovery.....luck? I think so.....

SCHIERHOLTZ
Missed the cutofff man in the 9th allowing the lead run to get to 2nd

FRANDSEN
Rohlinger????....BWHAHAHHAHA.....man they really do hate you

MILLER
F YOU from last night still

DUDE SITTING 3 ROWS IN FRONT OF ME
Decided he wanted to stand up and give his buddy a headlock right as Ishikawa Doubled......and then did it again when Uribe hit into the Error.... Missed both plays.....and this guy doesn't have any idea what "DOWN IN FRONT" I actually got out of my seat and walked over to him and explain that he shouldn't stand up while the batter is hitting when everyone else is sitting......I don't care how much UFC shit you are wearing, just try to headlock this fucking pissed off Giants fan.......


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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)

GAMEBALL and JOKER 08/05 GIANTS at ASTROS

Weekday Day games are sort of a pain for me, I am at work and depending on how busy I am I may or may not even be aware they are playing. Well I can say today was a fairly busy day, and I knew the Giants were down early. When a co-worker walked into my office and asked "Hey, the Giants are playing now right? What's the score?" I clicked on sports and saw 7 Astros, I immediately loudly said FUCK! before what I was looking at settled into my brain…which was Giants 7 Astros 3……at which point and laughed and explained…..well I saw a 7 and assumed it was against the Giants……and what else could we have expected….with Joe Martinez pitching, with the Giants road woes, and with our "powerful" cleanup hitter on the bench…….but no, the Giants battled back from a 3 run deficit for the first time all year (thx Baggs from an earlier post)…..

GAMEBALL and JOKER 08/05 GIANTS at ASTROS

GAMEBALL

WHITESIDE

Backup catcher in the major leagues…..it's a lot like winning the lottery of baseball…..These guys play week after week after week, just hoping their number comes up and they get a chance….and when they do get a chance, they play so sporadically if they just happen to run into a couple pitches at the right time they could make a career out of it…….and with a Major League minimum salary of $400K+ it ain't a bad living……….but for every backup catcher that makes the show, there are 20 toiling away in the minors just hoping to get a spring training invite when there are 100 pitchers in camp……well Whiteside has taken advantage of his opportunity, running into a few pitches at just the right time and Whiteside record as a starter now lies at 10-6, of course most of that is due to the fact he was toiling in AAA when the Giants were sucking early……but I digress……good job on your first homer, your first grandslam, and that hair and that accent just makes you a more interesting character for the Fans……just keep it up and pretty soon you can add "proven veteran" to your "backup catcher" title……

TIP OF THE CAP :
MARTINEZ
Welcome back to the show, and the kid has some balls showing no ill effects of the incident earlier this year…..working in the low 90's and mixing in a little slider and a couple of change ups….really only made one really bad pitch for which he was punished, the double to Michaels which was a fastball that leaked out over the plate……Looks like the kid has pretty good movement on the fastball, the slider is average at best, the key will be control…..and he could be an important cog down the stretch…..that #5 spot will get about 4 more starts versus the Dodgers and Rockies…..we don't need a shut out from this slot, but a solid 5-6 innings would do wonders for the Giants playoff chances……

SANDOVAL
Man, all this kid does is square the ball up and get hits…..you don't have to kill the ball to get hits, good wood solid contact will do the job and even though the Panda was caught off balance a few times, he still was able to notch 3 hits 2 runs, 2 rbi and BTW this kids speed and defense is still underrated……at least league average on both counts…..at least

SANCHEZ
I am liking this kid, he is just line drive after line drive…..and today he got three hits going with the pitch all three times…….lets hope he rubs off and leave him in the 3 hole, at least until he cools off…..

GARKO
I am liking this kid as well…and he has hit more balls hard than his average would indicate…...and Garko was rewarded with 2 hits for his trouble today……and come on, he's not THAT slow…..I mean, I bet he can beat Molina to the post game spread by 20 feet…..

JOKER

SCHMIDTY

Maybe I am going soft…..but I kinda feel bad for the guy…..he was one bad ass pitcher on a team that needed an ace….no Schmidt, no run to the series in 2002, no 100 wins in 2003, no Fathers Day 1 hitter of the Red Sox….and if you remember 2003, he threw a 3 hit shut out versus the Marlins in Game 1 while injured…….he was a gamer……..so when I heard he was hitting 89, my mind thought back to 2005 when he was effective working in the 88-90 range for most of the season……well, I got to watch him pitch for the first time tonight, and he is not back…..he topped out at 89, but worked in the 87-88 range most of the night…..and without much control……he might be a passable 5th starter…..but he will have as many bad starts as good starts…….too bad a player that good is looking so bad……he still might be able to be decent, but he is going to have to do a lot better with his control than he had tonight……with 9 walks in 14 innings coming INTO tonight, it doesn't seem like he is going to figure it out anytime soon…….

SMACK OF THE STICK :
HOWRY
Well there goes the Howry save idea….plunking Keppinger was intentional….2 out in the 9th and on the hip…..but the adrenaline got to Howry and he started fucking the pooch……and we needed Wilson to come in and shut the door…..

BIP
Good God……I can't believe this lasted another day….somebody has GOT to talk to him…..winning innings has nothing to do with anything……and my co-worker…who asked me whats the score….I asked him if he had heard Bip the night before…..the response….."I just watched a little of the game…(pause)….was he the Winning Innings guy?"….I just started laughing my ass off…..even people just passing through are pointing and laughing……. I think Kuiper has to bite the bullet and tell Bip SOMETHING…..but its like when your friend has really bad breath, you try to hint at it, buy a few mints, ask if they had garlic, but in the end they really don't get the message until you say something, or some stranger asked them if a small rodent crawled into their mouth and died……

COOPER
Good job walking Renteria…..sure it was by the book, but I hate how it is always automatic to walk the bases juiced to set up the force….you also back a pitcher in a corner where he HAS to throw strikes and the hitter knows it…..

JOE MORGAN
What the fuck???? did you see this commercial….. Joe Morgan is as good a pitchman as he is a broadcaster…..and my god,looks like a cross between a A Weeble (tm Playskool), a inverted ice cream cone, and a batting tee. What a monstrosity of a device….. and all for the low low price of $150 and that’s with a $50 discount….makes me think of those 70's players who used a contraption on their bat in the on deck circle that kinda looked like this

REDS PITCHING STAFF
Just saw the projected starters…..each of them have an ERA worse than Zito……man we got it good…..of course after a series with the Giants those ERA's will look much better on Monday

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