GAMEBALL and JOKER ==> REDS at GIANTS 08/23

Back from the dead…..much like the Giants on this last road trip, I was beaten up and tired over the last week…..I won't go into details, but my day job requires that I be a very (self) important man with lots of important responsibilities….but being a super genius, this comes with the territory ….. so enough whining and back to work……at least back to my real job, and that’s entertaining you shlubs…..

GAMEBALL and JOKER ==> REDS at GIANTS 08/23

GAMEBALL

SANCHIE

Today's 4 hit game was a nice reprive for our resident "Former All Star Former Batting Champ" ™ who is in the midst of his worst year of his career….coming of surgery he has posted a career low .261 batting average with a career low OPS of .642…..but tonight he was able to lace a big 2 run double down the left field line, collect a pair of singles only to get gunned down on a pair of failed sacrifices…..

TIP OF THE CAP :
HUFF
I think we can say for certain that mini-slump is done, with tonight's effort that is 2 homers 7 hits 4 walks and 5 RBI in the last 4 games…..Huff got the Giants on the board in the 1st, and then helped add on with a BOMB to the part of the Arcade reserved for the Big Boys….tough choice to miss the gameball, but had to give it to Sanchie with the 4 hits…..maybe if Huff makes one of the two missed great plays it would swing it back to Huff…..but something tells me that Huff still has a few more Gameballs coming this year

TORRES
A pair of walks in the 1st inning, and a two run tater in the bottom of the 3rd inning to answer the Reds 2 spot in the top half and to send this into laugher territory…….

SANDOVAL
The two leading men of 2009 have had a hard time following up their performances….and while Timmy's struggles seem to mount…..Pablo looks like he is starting to break through…..yeah, we have said it before, but I really mean it this time…..

CAIN
After a little hiccup in the 3rd, bared down and retired 57 in a row or something……and after 2 failed bunts, was able to get that 3rd one down……avoiding the Pink Sambero…..which is 3 failed sacrifice bunts…..and yes, I just invented that……

LOPEZ
Just for the 0-2 pitch on Votto that looked made him look like Jean Van De Velde hacking at the grass in 1999

SABEAN
For a team that still has its best days ahead of it, didn't break up the core in the majors or minors, and even kept basically every prospect of value……while adding spare parts in Burrell, Ross, Guillen, Lopez, Fontenot and Ramirez……

JOKER

ROWAND

Well, despite a decent performance in a reserve role, you have gone from a nice spare part to a complete waste of a roster spot….Ross is a better hitter, can play all 3 outfield positions, and is right handed…….basically making Rowand completely obsolete…….he's not even the spare tire in the trunk…..more like the shredded tire with steel belts exposed that is too beaten up to even be used as a tire swing……nope all this tire is good for, is costing you that damn recycling fee at the local dump……

SMACK OF THE STICK :
ROSS
Well, good news is he has a job……bad news…..lost a mostly full time gig, and was traded for nothing…….and I can't help but think back to your days as a Dodger……and your last play as a Dodger….When Omar turned a kick ass DP….and you were traded for PTBNL within a week……

MOTA
Got the Grissom Treatment…..DL'ed for a phantom injury…..and this time that injury was something called TI Syndrome…..apparently it means you are Butt Hurt…..sounds like the same injury Molina had when he didn't get a fat contract this offseason……

0-FER-RIBE
Well, someone had to take the collar…..and that was Juan, left out of the party and taking a big O fer

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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational thought sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)



by merkin

GAMEBALL and JOKER ==> MARLINS at GIANTS 07/26

GAMEBALL and JOKER ==> MARLINS at GIANTS 07/26

GAMEBALL

ROWAND

What can you say, in a reserve role Rowand WAS the offense tonight coming up with a fan aided clutch 2 run fence scraper to get the Giants back in the game in the 7th, and then hit a line shot single to center after working a 2-2 count to lead off the 9th…..the biggest red ass on the team seems to have accepted his role off the bench and looks to contribute when called upon…..and he actually DID contribute going 2 for 2 in that "sub role" which was an improvement on his 2 for 12 off the bench so far this year…..and with Torres more or less firmly entrenched in the starting lineup, I am OK with Rowand getting the gameball tonight…..especially when it means I can use this one more time……


TIP OF THE CAP :
FSANCHEZ
Collected 2 hits, including a single in the 9th to set up the would be tying run at 3rd with 2 down…..

TORRES
Wasn't the best game …after a single to lead off the first got caught leaning for the Caught Stealing (rules need to be changed that make that a pickoff if you ask me) …but threw in a walk and did his best to tie the game in the 9th (damn you Gaby Sanchez)….throw in a nice play in triples alley to rob extra bases from Cody Ross and I will put him on the positive side of the ledger……

URIBE
The Box Score says he had 2 hits…..I musta been making a snack

POSEY
Only 1 hit….overrated…….

BURRELL
Worked the walk ahead of Row Row's homer, and on a full count with Uribe on 1st in the 8th with two out and down by two… swung so hard, I think I felt the breeze 50 miles away……I approve…..full count, belt high change on 3-2….guessed fastball and missed……wasn't gonna shorten up with the team in need of a tater…….

JOKER

RENTERIA

Renteria was the man at the plate to end both of the Giants late inning rallies….both times with the tying run in scoring position…..and both times….a whiff to end the innings……score 3-2 with runners on 1st and 2nd in the 7th…..and score 4-3 with runner on 3rd in the 9th……something about this guy bugs me…something about him reminds me of Livan Hernandez…he quiet emotionless demeanor just seems to come off as lethargy and just not caring..…….even in big parts of the game you hardly see emotion from him…..the only time I recall seeing a reaction for Edgar is when the benches clear and he is ready to throw down…..or when they play that Marlins walk off World Series hit from many moons ago…..HEY I got it……those damn 97 Marlins that bumped us from the damn playoffs…Livan was MVP of that series…man I think my subconscious hates Edgar……

SMACK OF THE STICK :
MOTA
Gave up the run that was the difference in the game on two belt high fastballs to Ross and Stanton…..

CANTU
Ouch…..hit iron glove was on display as he clanked a foul pop off the mitt……I don’t remember who hit it, I ain't going back on Tivo, and I didn't take notes…..

ISHIKAWA
overmatched by Nolasco and pulled for a pinch hitter when a LOOGY was brought in…..and sorry Krukow…..the term was not invented by the Giants beat writers……its been around years, and first used by Baseball Prospectus…..and I won't bother looking that up to verify…..I will let Marco correct me if I am wrong….seriously, saves me work…..

FACE PAINT CHICK
Oh boy……so yesterday I broke down how chicks don't dig body paint….well times are a changing and women these days can do all kinds of things……paint their faces…vote….drive cars…..all kinds of stuff……and Sorry $9, she didn't she didn't sport the topless upper torso paint like our friend from yesterday's GB and JK…and for that….she gets a smack…..








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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational thought sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)




by merkin

GAMEBALL and JOKER ==> GIANTS at ASTROS 06-24

When I realized the Giants got an extra 3 game set in Houston, it seemed like the perfect cure from the Toronto woes, and a chance to fatten up before tough home sets versus the Red Sox and the Dodgers….well things didn't turn out as planned …….

GAMEBALL and JOKER ==> GIANTS at ASTROS 06-24

GAMEBALL

ROWAND

Whatthe fuck is the world coming to??? Renteria yesterday with 3 hits, and now Rowand??? So has Rowand found his stroke….well….I doubt it… still hacky…..4 swings 9 pitches in 4 Plate Appearances….and its not like he was tearing the cover off the ball with 2 bouncing grounders through the hole on the right side and an a line hugging double to the opposite field that was hit about as hard as those grounders…..but nonetheless 3 hits is 3 hits, and he got 2 runs scored mixed is….so I give him a begrudging GAMEBALL

TIP OF THE CAP :
BURRELL
What's not to like….4 HR's already and looks like a player….along with Huff he has changed the complexion of this offense…..down by 7? here's a 2 run bomb……and in the 6th with the Giants down 7-2 and Burrell at the plate with men on…..well….he didn't come through, but I had a strange feeling……not in my pants, you sick fucks….it was a feeling that we actually were still in the game….well, it was too little too late, but this is a different team….now if we can just start pitching…..

BULLPEN
Speaking of pitching….if you have a strong bullpen and some offense….you can actually win games without your starter throwing a complete game shut out….I know, sounds crazy…..but its true….I have seen other teams do it….honest

RENT
2 more hits….not looking THAT bad…..at least offensively……and its not like Uribe has Vizquel type range…..

TORRES
Hey, 1 hit….and don't worry Rowand was just in there for day game after night game….right?? he was just in there to rest Torres….right??

ISHIKAWA
Could win a batting title if he could figure out a way to get 500 AB's as a pinch hit

JOKER

CAIN

Well that wasn't any fun…..Matty got spanked like a Watermelon at a Grocery Store Hey, Monkey thought it would be funny, and gots to keep the Monkey happy….although I have to admit I have never spanked a Watermelon and I don't think I have seen anyone spank a Watermelon …and what exactly are you supposed to hear???….but I digress…..didn't see much wrong with Cain today other than a little control…..the Pence Homer was fastball on the hands that probably caught a little too much plate…..Castro hit a 2-1 Changeup low in the zone….and Berkman's 2 run double was off a broken bat……maybe it’s the law of averages catching up with him?? Maybe that low BABIP is come back to roost??? Nahhhhh…..lets just call it an off night …..


SMACK OF THE STICK :
URIBE
Another player with an off night,….and it wasn't pretty …DP in front of Burrell's HR in the 4th….big chopper to short to end the rally in the 7th…and a K to end the game…..0 for 3 with runners in scoring position and in those AB's there were a total 6 runners on base

MOLINA
The only thing slower than his legs is his bat…..I thought the Posey callup might light a fire…..well I don't see it…..unless it’s a Funeral Pyre for Bengie's career

PEDRO
I don't care about his shortcomings, he was a good giant in a tough time….but man, it sure has gotten ugly…..well, at least he got a ring……


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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational thought sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)




by merkin

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at MARLINS 05/04

What the fuck was THAT… Wasn't I just bitching about Rowand? Again, I get served up some crow as Rowand comes through …. What a strange fucking game…. I swear the Giants lost that game, but everytime the Giants score scrolls past at the bottom of the screen I see their name highlighted….and a 9 spot next to their name…..

And if you missed it, look at this emotional rollercoaster….



GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at MARLINS 05/04

GAMEBALL

ROWAND

Man, Rowand was all over the place tonight……Singled to get the Giants on the board in the 3rd, then in the 4th saved Nell from Snidely Whiplash's dastardly plot,. then singled to plate another run in the 5th, then in the 6th in what seemed like the play of the night Aaron laid out to make a amazing catch on a slicing shot in the left center field gap…then in the 7th, Aaron upped saved a baby from a burning building, but he wasn't done yet….Aaron still covered in bits of smoldering baby with 2 out in the 9th, hit a game tying homer to send the game into extras where the Giants would eventually win……what a night, good job Aaron….here is your GAMEBALL…..Let's name the baby Timmy Pablito Uribe…….

TIP OF THE CAP :
HUFF
The second biggest hit of the night, plating 2 in the top of the 12th to take the lead…..

SANDOVAL
Couple hits including the double to set up the game winner in the 12th

URIBE
Doubled in 2 runs with 2 out in the 8th to take a short lived lead, and added a single in the pivotal 12th

NATE
Couple more hits and keyed the first 2 rallies with leadoff singles…..

MOTA/ RUNZLER/ WILSON/ AFFELDT
Did what the Giants pen is supposed to do….4 solid innings…..2 hits 1 walk 5 K's and a Win and a Save……and a special tip to Wilson for letting Affeldt be on the positive side of the ledger…..

TIMMY
Was close to untouchable through the 5th….but The Freaky Franchise was visibly gassed in the 6th, making a number of location mistakes through his last two innings,… but he battled through and was in line for the win……until…….


JOKER

ROMO

Man… you thought life was hard as a closer…..try a setup man…..all the blame with none of the glory…..and Romo has turned in his 3rd game to forget tonight….and this was the worst so far…..with a 2 run lead, issues a 1 out walk….makes a hittable 1-2 pitch to Hanley…..then after getting Cantu to strike out…..first pitch belt high fastball……BOOM……man, with memories of Manny still fresh in our minds Sergio is making Mota look more and more attractive as the setup guy……but my faith is still here…..Come on Sergio, pitching is about consistency……all it takes is one belt high fastball and that’s all its takes to make you the JOKER……

SMACK OF THE STICK :
DEROSA
While the rest of the team was busy running around the bases, Derosa was busy trying to beat out double play grounders……

FREDDY SANCHEZ
Early May Return eh???? Lets do the math….December Surgery…..Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr….he's been on the shelf FOUR MONTHS for MINOR SURGERY…..now, we are just waiting for him to START a rehab assignment in Mid May HOPEFULLY???? add that to the cloud of secrecy around the initial surgery and something tells me that this "Minor" was a lot more "Major" then anyone let on….either that or he was Using Barry Bonds old Whirlpool


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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)




by merkin

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at ASTROS 04/06

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at ASTROS 04/06

GAMEBALL

ZITO

Damns you Barry Zito! Damns you to hell. All day long I thought about how great it was going to be to put you up here as the Joker. The arrogance, the failures, the stupid shit you keep saying….Man, it was going to be great…I would get laughs and everyone would love me at your expense….But no, you got to go out there and not only foil my premeditated Joker, but you turn in a performance so solid you force my hand and I have to give you the GAMEBALL out of fairness…So congratulations on the performance Barry……but I still think you are a jackass....

TIP OF THE CAP :
HUFF
So far so good, and that’s important as Giants fans are impatient when it comes to crafty vets brought in by Sabes……Aubrey got a couple hits including the jam shot to right-center to get the Giants on the board in the 6th…..then proceeded to keep the Giants out of their FOURTH double play of the day, getting a good jump and sliding hard into Astros 2nd baseman Keppinger….this play kept the inning alive allowing the Giants to plate 2 more runs……a close runner up to the gameball

RENTERIA
2 walks and 3 hits in 2 days… slow down buddy, we got to get used to production from you…..

JOAQUIN/ ROMO/ RUNZLER
2 Solid innings…man if everyone performs as expected this is the best and deepest bullpen I can remember the Giants EVER having….of course after all the brain cells I killed in college, my memory can be lacking……

WILSON
99.4 mph on the pitchfx? I'll take it……

G12
Jeez, already gave you a shout out yesterday…..but you had to up the ante…..
Way to represent, getting the shout out from K&K during the game and catching a Foul Ball….and that wasn't enough, got Timmy's auto, had a long chat with B Weez, heck I hear you even got Catherine Bach's digits


JOKER

ROWAND

Hey, I didn't want to do it, but you really leave me no choice…… how's that whole leadoff thing working out for you??? Not so good??? following up an 0 for 5 with an 0 for 5 is a great way to find splinters in your ass…. 10 outs in 2 days???? Well you are leading the team is something at least……and those 10 outs are 5 more than anyone else on the team……and hey, did you notice the only position in the lineup NOT to bat in the Giants 3 run 6th? Let me give you a clue…..You made the 3rd out in the 5th and lead off the 7th with an out……hey look on the bright side, at least you got 1 ball out of the infield today……F'ing JOKER…..

SMACK OF THE STICK :
MINUTE MAID PARK
OK, I can live with the stupid hill in center… and the glass windows in left are annoying, but whatever......but yet ANOTHER FLAW came to light tonight, as the contruction of the Crawford box wall makes it near impossible to determine a Home Run…..even in super slow mo you cannot see if the ball hits the bar or not…..what the hell, just paint the damn bar yellow of get rid of it…..we don't need to shut the game down so the umpires can go downstairs to have a goddamn snack……

ASTROS FANS
24K? Already no one is showing up? Man, baseball is back and I hear Texas loves its sports…..but where is everyone??? Was their a Tractor Pull and Cow Tipping convention in town or something??? Or maybe they were too busy Hunting Commie Bastids

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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)




by merkin

Giants Outfielders 2010.....GAMER or HEADCASE Part 1

Looks like it's time to shake the offseason cobwebs out and start figuring out what I am going to type up this year. So let's start this thing like the other billion goddamn Giants websites out there and give you a Season Outlook for the Giants…. This should give me a chance to round out into my regular season form at least as well as Freddy Sanchez……

OK, so lets play a little game I call… GAMER orrrrrrr HEADCASE……

OK lets start in the outfield

OF/ IF Mark DeRosa
Well one think I learned this offseason, is that this guy is a slick mother fucker. If he hits like he interviews, the fanbase will love this guy. I was never convinced about this guy as a hitter, I mean who breaks through as a fulltime player at 31 years old? Well DeRosa broke through with 3 solid seasons with the Rangers and Cubs, and even a very solid 1/2 season with the Indians before crashing and burning with the Cardinals. Wrist injury? Sure, I will buy that. Was the breakout real? I think so, hard to fluke 3 1/2 years worth of stats, especially when you see gains in pitches per at bat and associated BB% per PA. So what do we expect this year? I would lock him down for 400-500+ AB's with 10-15 HR and .270-.280 BA and .340-.360 OBP, but the part that is really cool about this signing is he can play decent defense at 3 positions giving the Giants flexibility for inevitable failures of others…… You can slide him into 3rd and Panda over to 1st, so really the battle at 1st is Huff v Ishi v the 4th OF. Or lets says Renteria sucking air again, and Sanchez still brittle? Go with Uribe and DeRosa up the middle…. He's not going to dazzle anyone at any of these positions, but he can't be that bad??? and Please Please Please keep this guy out of Right Field…….VERDICT: GAMER

OF Aaron Rowand
Lost 10 pound, best shape of his life, back to the basics, blah blah fucking blah… I don't buy any of that shit. This guy has always run hot and cold, and these days its more like Teppid and Artic….the only story I want to read about Rowand in the offseason is how his ridiculous contract has expired and he has to pick up part time work as a speedbump. Throw our that career year that proceeded his contract with the Giants (sound familiar?) He has established a .260-270 BA with .320-340 OBP and 10-15 HR. hey, at least he wasn't an embarrassment in Center Field…..
So expect another mediocre season at all star prices, with clichés about Gamerness and Gamerocity ……..VERDICT: HEADCASE

OF Nate Schierholtz
Hard not to cheer for Nate, local boy who has all the tools to be a prototypical AT&T Right Fielder….going into the season looked like Nate was finally going to get his shot…sure Nate has about 500 AB's in the bigs with some modicum of success to show for it….. but as he entered Spring Training the Right Field job was his too lose….and looks like he may have just gone ahead and lost it with 14 K's with 4 BB in 59 PA, that's 24% Strikeouts…He even got the Sabean "Player's wont' read this" Treatment as he described Schierholtz battling demons to Baggs…In Nate defense, the Giants were looking for more power, and although he only has 1 HR, he does have 9 Extra Base hits to go with those 14 K's…...Nate is one of the wildcards for the 2010 Giants. I think 0.280 BA .320 OBP and 15 HR is about the most we could hope for, but I don't think he gets anywhere close to that….Seems that he is having doubts about himself and the path that he and Bam Bam have taken this offseason… Sure, I am just some random asshole on the internets, but to me that looks like someone too worried about the mechanics of his swing than the pitcher trying to get him out…..It's a tough game Nate, keep your nose down and your eye on the ball. Until then, I have to call em like I see em, and right now….VERDICT: HEADCASE

OF John Bowker
What a difference a year makes. Bowker relegated to the Minors after spending most of 2008 on the big club, sucked it up and went ahead and beat the snot out of the PCL posting a league leading .342 BA and 1.047 OPS… he rolled that momentum right into Spring Training with a 1.009 OPS in the desert…..when he was languishing you didn't read about him getting a bad break, or being mistreated by the organization (cough Frandsen, cough cough), you just saw the stats come rolling in quietly week after week. Sure stats don't tell the whole story, but we are talking about a guy with a short compact stroke that would play well in the Majors…… I do have hoep for 2010, after about 400AB's in the show, Major League pitchers have exposed his weakness with slow stuff down and in….. If he can just adjust to that pitch he should be able to put up something in the range.270 BA .340 OBP and 15+ HR…. and although he won't win any gold gloves anytime soon, he has enough speed and smarts to play RF in AT&T……and maybe he won't cover as much ground as Winn did, but he certainly has a better arm…..VERDICT: GAMER

OF Andres Torres
What's not to like about this guy, former prospect turned savvy veteran. Switch hits, runs down balls in the gap wearing bling almost as big as him. Hey, sit me start me, I am just happy to be pulling down the major league minimum. riding charter jets, and staying in 1st rate hotels… Rowand better not get hurt, because if we got to see this guy play center for an extended period we would get spoiled…. and god know he would probably not only out glove but out hit Rowand as well……VERDICT: GAMER

OF Freddie Lewis
Oh god, I feel bad piling on this guy…. I think it he was typing this up himself it would label himself a headcase….. Heck, I heard he was in the same support group as Brett Tomko, Ricky Ledee, and Wayne Gomes…… After some success at the major league level he was anointed the Giants best chance for a homegrown impact position player by not only Management, but the Lord hisselfs (#25, for the unlearned)……Lewis has a major case of the Yips at the plate and in the field... nothing short of a trade or maybe electroshock therapy is going to snap him out of it…….lets hope for Lewis case the Giants choose trade…. VERDICT: HEADCASE

Eugenio Velez
The Pharaoh is about as gifted a athlete as there is, electric bat and lightning in his legs……too bad he has hands of stone on the infield and the instincts of a platypus in the outfield…..he will make an outstanding play, only to back it up with a booted grounder or a bad first move in the outfield……a converted infielder, he probably turns more routine flyballs into great plays with his bad routes in the field….he has been playing outfield long enough that you figure he would start to get it…..but he hasn't……when everything is clicking he is one of the best position players on the team….but when it starts to go south, get him out of there before he crushes his own psyche….nope, despite the glimpses of ballplayer he shows the VERDICT: HEADCASE…..

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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at ROCKIES 8/21

For a team that rarely draws a walk, the Giants have been getting a good number of runners on ….in the month of August the Giants have a .333 OBP …but what they do with the runner once they are on is anybody's guess…..The Giants have played 19 games in August…..and in those 19 games the Giants have managed to have 10 or more baserunners while scoring 2 runs or less 5 different times…..let me repeat that a different way to make sure I explain this properly……5 of 19 August games Giants have at least 10 baserunners and at most 2 runs…….now they have broken out too with 5 games over 7 runs and 15 baserunners……
Well tonight was the exception…..as they got 14 runners on but were able to convert enough to get 6 runs… which was enough to hang on to the game in the thin air of Coors……

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at ROCKIES 8/21

GAMEBALL

GAMER

Came through with the 3 run bomb that changed the game….Rowand's big fly came on what looked like a curveball from Fogg on the outside half……to me this was the critical spot in the game…with the Giants holding onto a 2 run lead early, you know that you were going to need more to win in the thin air and add to that Sanchez's propensity for an early exit…..additionally Cook was freshly pulled and if Fogg found his rhythm it could have been a long night……instead the Giants got their second 3 spot of the game which proved to be enough for the win…..

Rowand also kept up with the 7 hole magic.bumping up the numbers of the 7 hole with a 3 for 4 night ……in fact the 7 hole in the lineup IS THE MOST PRODUCTIVE SPOT in the Giants lineup when measured by AVE, OBP, SLG, OPS, MBA, LSD, NWA,\ and OPP (yeah, you know me)……
And here is the murders row that have started in the 7 spot, with starts in parenthesis……
Aurilia (7), Bowker (3), Burriss (2), Downs (3), Frandsen (3), Ishikawa (23), Lewis (5), Renteria (6), Rowand (22), Schierholtz (8), Torres (4), Uribe (30), Velez (3), Whiteside (2), Winn (1)

TIP OF THE CAP :
SANCHEZ
A little wild, but this kid was pumping BB's striking out 8 in 5 solid innings……and that radar gun was hot, but only a couple MPH……Sanchez was 93-95 all night via Pitchfx

RENTERIA
Two hits and started the 1st inning rally

MOLINA
Big double on a fly to center in the first, and a great take of second by the slowest man in baseball

AFFELDT/ WILSON
Both came up with BIG BIG outs…..

FULD
Centerfielder for the Cubs…..down by 1 run in the bottom of 8th held the game to one run buy going up and over to steal a Ramirez Homer…..

JOKER

CUBS

$134,058,500….and you got this piece of shit….in the Post Dusty/ Wood/ Prior/ Bartman era the Cubs lean on the fruits of two bad trades in D Lee and A Ram….. a underappreciated hot head workhorse in Zambrano….and the rest of the roster is basically filled out with whichever free agents were willing to take their cash…..just a band off spare parts and 1 trick ponies…..come on, Lilly Bradley Fukudome Soriano Harden…..they all basically just ended up here without rhyme nor reason to building a cohesive team…..and now as the Cubs fall from the race…. Beaten in back to back nights and held to 3 runs in 18 innings by the likes of Randy Wolf, Jeff Weaver, and the the beaten tattered Dodger bullpen……good job Cubbies…..you might be waiting until next year, but we want ours and we fucking want it now…..

SMACK OF THE STICK :
DUDE WAVING PANDA
ok, bro….we all love Pablo…..heck a few of us might even wear a panda mask or shirt or hat…….but when it comes down to taunting the opposition by waving a stuffed Panda in their face????....first of all, not very intimidating…..and more importantly do you think the average fan in the stands in Denver knows the nickname of the Giants almost all star? I am sure there are a number of Colorado fans driving home wondering….."Why in the hell was that Giants fan waving a teddy bear in our face? Was he trying to sell them or something???"

AFFELDT/ WILSON
Both came up with BIG BIG outs…..but made us all soil our shorts a little first…..

VELEZ
What's colder than Eugenio's bat?......yes, you got it….his stone glove…..

COWBOYS
What the hell was that…..the $40 million dollar jumbotron…..weighs 400 tons…that’s about the weight of 200 cars……..and now it looks like its too low and interfering with punts????? Good work idiots…..hope you have a fun time moving that thing……

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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at METS 8/17

What a difference a day makes…. the Giants putrid offense was almost a sure thing to get shut down again….on the road versus a crappy pitcher…. really the question was would the Giants offense avoid the shut out…..well, after Big Head Bruce called the Vets to the carpet, the Giants bats busted loose to set a season high of 18 hits and to match their road high of 10 runs….the first real Giants breakout since Whiteside's grand slam game…..and all of a sudden the Giants are 2-2 on the road trip, are back to the top of the rotation and are brimming with confidence just 1 game back of the Rockies for the wild card and heading into Cincinnati . Lets hope the newly found offense keeps swinging and the bullpen comes out mostly intact before the pivotal series in Denver this coming weekend…..

GAMEBALL and JOKER--> GIANTS at METS 8/17

GAMEBALL

ROWAND

Well the leadoff magic wore off so what were the Giants to do…..that's easy, move Rowand to the magic 7 hole, the 2nd most productive lineup spot based on OPS for the Giants this year…..and it was good for 4 hits including the go ahead homer early and the final nail in the coffin in the 9th……but not only did Rowand perform at the plate, he showed off the health of his right arm with a seed to Molina to nail Sullivan….and pick up Sandoval/ Sanchez after a miscue

TIP OF THE CAP :
BOCHY
Well if Bochy was more like Tom Cable he might pop Rowand in the mouth a few times…..but instead Bochy calls a team meeting and calls out the Vets…….I received a transcript of this "meeting" from a "undisclosed source nowhere close to the Giants players or staff and prone to delusions of grandeur."
"Ok you old fucks, we are overpaying you millions of fucking dollars so you can buy million dollar homes and drive around like arrogant fucks in your gold plated Aston Martins. Sabean says if you are making all this money then I have to put you in the lineup despite that fact that everyone knows that most of the players on the bench making a fraction of your salary could outperform you…..I warn you now, that if you all continue to suck, I will be forced to keep playing you and playing you until I get fired…..and I don't make the kind of scratch that you fucks do, no I have to get by on a measly $2 million a year….hell I barely afford the tanker trucks of shampoo and conditioner needed for my giant noggin, let alone afford a studio apartment in San Francisco….so come on guys have a heart…..and get a few hits and get the fans off my back will you?"

VELEZ
A multi hit game and it looks like he has his stroke going again…..a leadoff single and then a critical triple to set up the Giants 3rd run of the game….keep stroking it baby!

NATE
Well, if you aren't going to start, might as well come up with arguably the biggest hit of the day and line shot bases loaded double that really put the game out of reach and would have been a slam in most parks

MARTINEZ
A solid 5 innings aided by the pitchers park and some good defense……and some shaky defense……good enough to get another start…..next time in Denver……

MEDDERS/ HOWRY/ MILLER/ VALDEZ
4 innings, no runs…..a solid performance from the pen….something Affeldt/ Romo couldn't accomplish just a day earlier……

SABES
Got Wheeler signed for $3.3 Million.,….a large amount of money to be sure, but reasonable considering the climate for amateur players….

CAIN


JOKER

TIX OFFICE

So the Giants have been running these "I AM IN THIS" ad campaign for a couple weeks now……and that was just a prelude to….."I AM IN THIS, PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS" 660 Ticket plan, getting the early start on next years season ticket charge…..and then I get my POSTSEASON INVOICE in MID AUGUST……are you fucking kidding me???? ok, I see I have until mid September to pay, but WOW…..seems just a LITTLE early to start billing for playoffs……and holy shit, look at them prices…..thats about 35% of my total season ticket cost…..well, whatever, I guess I should be glad that this is even a possibility …. and if you let the Giants keep the leftover money until next year they will lock your season ticket priced and give you 3% interest….. nice marketing ploy for sure….. and wonder if they timed this to come out the same day as the big win in the big apple…..


SMACK OF THE STICK :
GARKO
A hard play to be sure, but Giants fans are used to that play being made and it lead to a tie game, so you better start putting in extra time at 1st or plan or hitting .330 with pop

OFFICIAL SCORER
In my mind the error on Panda shoulda been on F Sanchez….sure he jumped for it, but he caught it and only dropped it as he was trying to do a fancy turn…..once you leapt there was no chance at a DP there, just make the play at 2nd……and btw, I give Garko an error on that aforementioned play as well…hits him in the glove, you should make the catch, not fall on the ground and writhe around like a breakdancer with epilepsy….

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(The fine print: There will be cussing and bad taste. This is written with the heat of the moment feel you may have during the game, with rational though sprinkled in now and then. This is entertainment folks, sure there is a lot of truth and I am a genius, but this is all about having a laugh and enjoying the ride…….now lets go heckle Jeff Kent in when he gets inducted to Cooperstown..)

GAMEBALL and JOKER 08/03 GIANTS at ASTROS

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What the fuck happened????…. The Giants felt like they were in control all day, and they were….with runners on base all day, a 2 run lead, and Cain on the mound….it feels like we won……but I am pretty sure we didn't……if you know Hockey, I feel like we just lost after out shooting the opponent 32-7 on three goals from the blue line on Nabokov…..and if you don't know Hockey, lets just say that, well…..this really sucks…….and Hockey is pretty sweet, (but not as sweet as baseball)

GAMEBALL and JOKER 08/03 GIANTS at ASTROS

GAMEBALL

GARKO

Welcome to San Francisco, too bad you saved it for Houston…..Garko looks like he is officially off the schneid on base 4 times going a 2 for 2 with a walk and a HBP, and he didn't even loose any popups on the roof at Enron, er Minute Maid Field……

TIP OF THE CAP :
SANDOVAL
3 for 5 with all 3 hits coming with runners on base, and the outs coming with the bases empty…….and you know what would really make up for that All Star Snub? How about a playoff birth and an MVP???? You go work on that will ya?

CAIN
Went the distance and the pen is rested entering Sanchez and Martinez days

MARTINEZ
Everything but official, Joe gets a chance at the rotation, and if the Giants are serious about the playoffs they are going to need his contribution

JOKER

ROWAND

Ugly day for Mr. Gamer taking a fat 0 for 4 with 4 plate appearances with runners on…..just 1 hit would have been the difference in this close matchup….instead we got 2 K's LOOKING and 2 easy bounce outs…….and the K's were UGLY both coming on 0-2 pitches and the 2nd one a fastball right down the goddamn pipe…..

SMACK OF THE STICK :
LANSFORD
I have to give an assist to Carney on this one….you think at some point SOMEONE will go…..OK EVERYBODY HUDDLE UP….THE UMPIRE IS GIVING HAMPTON ABOUT 6 INCHES ON THE OUTSIDE CORNER TO RIGHTHANDERS, MAKE SURE TO PROTECT……maybe a vet says something, but at the very least the goddamn hitting coach……but instead no one adjust and Hampton took advantage with 6 K's including 5 looking and Rowand, Renteria, and Cain all getting strike 3 called on pitches off the plate……

FLANNERY
Ouch…..such a good day on Saturday making all the right calls….well tonight they weren't so good…..getting Renteria GUNNED at the plate on a BAD Throw 7 feet up the 3rd base line…..and STILL Plenty of time to nail him……and then on a Renteria double, Garko was held up at 3rd just as Carlos Lee came up with the ball out in that weird corner in Left......Sure Garko ain't exactly Carl Lewis, but then again Carlos ain't exactly Jesse Barfield…….

CAIN
Ouch, what can you say……He's one of the horses that makes this team go, and when you spot him a 2 run lead you almost expect a win…….and honestly, the reason I have him here is the 6th inning…..after striking out looking with the bases juiced and 1 out, he looked he was still thinking about the at bat when he gave up the triple and home to the 1st and 2nd hitters in the Astros lineup…….

WINN
Like that 1986 Chrysler you had…..once the payments ended, things just started breaking down…..just it wouldn't hit from the right side….then its already weak arm became pathetic…..soon it wasn't hitting left handed either…..just a matter of time before it stops running all together….the weird thing is Winn seems to be running as well as ever…..you would figure that would be the first thing to break down on a 35 year old outfielder

BIP
Don't know anything about curses……but I do know t\hat Bip sucks….and without that Giants fans good will to fall back on like JT Snow…….


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by merkin