GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/9 GIANTS at DODGERS

GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/9 GIANTS at DODGERS

GAMEBALL

BURRISS

After a scorching spring, Burriss was the surprise winner of the 2nd base job over fan favorite local boy Kevin Frandsen……and after spending the first month of the season on the interstate many inside and outside the organization were looking at swapping the young secondbaseman…….but a funny thing happened on the way to Fresno…….
in fact you may not even have noticed……but Manny has started to hit…….
Since hitting ..161 with a .235 OBP over the first 19 games, over his last 9 games he has posted a .448 with a .515 OBP raising his average to a decent .253 including 2 of the Giants 4 hits today,……..sure, he probably won't ever wow anyone with his hitting ability……but if he keeps hitting the Juan Pierre way, he may just stave off Frandsen a little longer


TIP OF THE CAP :
PANDA
Well….nobody on the field deserved it, and at least without Panda in the lineup we proved our offense is beyond pathetic



JOKER

BATS

My God…….Sorry Krukow…….Stults was NOT fantastic…….his shutout was not a product of mixing pitches and hitting his spots…….quit blowing sunshine up our asses……The Giants FLAT OUT BLEW IT…….NUMEROUS 90MPH FAT FASTBALLS were left DOWN THE MIDDLE BELT HIGH……only to be fouled back, popped up or grounded weakly at an infielders…….
And just to make sure it wasn't my imagination, I extracted some data from Brooksbaseball.net and sure enough……fastballs in the happy zone all day long……
Good god, I don't think this offense can get any worse…….
If I am Carney Lansford, I take them all out in pregame tomorrow, and have them hit balls off a tee…..at least they would LEARN WHAT IS FEELS LIKE TO HIT A BALL HARD FOR ONCE….freaking JOKERS……


SMACK OF THE STICK :
SANCHEZ
Dude, you've been around long enough and logged enough innings....the whole wild thing is getting old....time to get your shit together and throw strikes......no need to nibble with stuff like that.....this is the big show....prime time.....and there is plenty of competition for your rotation spot coming on hard......Sure he's still young, but what...you gonna find your control at 30????
And then the mental breakdown on the rundown.....sure, backing up home for a throw, but as soon as the ball goes to first and a run down ensues, you getter get your ass over there.....what, were you expecting the slothy equipment laden Molina to go cover?????

Green Dots are Fastballs
The Large Square is the strike zone according to Pitchfx
The Smaller square represents the middle "1/2" of the plate, and the top "1/2" of the strike zone…….count em…..18 fastballs at 90MPH were in the "happy zone"……that’s 18 of 38 Fastball strikes were up and over the middle……a REAL offense woulda whacked him all over the park…..Stults certainly wasn't keeping the ball low OR hitting the corners……




PS…What the FUCK is up with these two douches????
Things can't be so bad you have to cover your face……with what appears to be a paper towel and a doo rag………Don't want to be caught on TV rooting for the Dodgers????
Or did you just cut out from Work a little early and don't want to get caught……either way…..pretty fucking stupid….

GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/8 GIANTS at DODGERS

GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/8 GIANTS at DODGERS

GAMEBALL

ZITO

Holy freaking shit……the improbable…..the unfeasible….. by no means does this happen……The lazy has been pitcher, weighed down by a ridiculously long and expensive contract suddenly finds the talent he once had and not only earns the respect of the fan base, but perhaps also reemerges as one of the game's elite…..
And wow…..looking at the box score alone, you don't see what Zito did tonight…..sure the Dodgers are without Manny, but they were leading the National League in runs scored and you can't tell me that was all about Manny…..and Mr I Love LA Carved up the Dodger lineup with slow curves and 88 MPH fastballs on the black…….
Hitter after hitter had foolish swings, and you could read the determination on Barry's face…….Good job Jackass….

BTW
Ave FB 87.3 MPH Max FB 89.2 MPH

TIP OF THE CAP :
WILSON
TWEETER BROTHER Brian made good this time with the lead in LA……bailing Merkin out of a jam with an Epic 13 pitch AB….and then nailing down the win with a dominating 9th

URIBE
Looks solid at 3rd…..started 2 DP's and collected 2 hits…..

ROWAND
Hey…..Fly out foul ball got the first run of the game

RENTERIA
Broke the 1-1 tie with a deep fly out

SANDOVAL
Zito's caddy and an run scoring infield hit

BOCHY
Leaving Zito in to face Loretta paid off with a W for the Giants and for Zito.


JOKER

MANNYWOOD

MANNYWOOD????
Are you fucking kidding me????
Now I try not to go to Los Angeles, and I honestly haven't paid much attention to Dodger marketing until now……
Good god the Marketing Geniuses who planned a ad campaign revolving around Manny and a Bonds Squad style Mannywood section in Left are kicking themselves right now…
Mannywood……good god, what the fuck is that?
Pico Ramirez didn't have that star quality????
Manny Cucamonga didn't have the same ring to it???
Rancho Manny Verdes wouldn't fit on a shirt????
Well it don't really matter now…..take the Wigs and the Shirts and put em on the clearance aisle, cause even when Manny comes back the only people willing to buy them are the gang bangers in the Left Field Pavillion who are familiar with Enhancement with Controlled Substances…..

SMACK OF THE STICK :
DODGER FANS
Got a big head on the hot streak…..but that streak was built upon a hot offense, and the arms of Billingsley and Broxton……well, looks like the offense got cooled down and Billingsley is still good, but beatable……
The soft underbelly is now showing…..a thin rotation, and a thin relief staff……now if only the pathetic Giants offense can take advantage….

GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/7 GIANTS at ROCKIES

GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/7 GIANTS at ROCKIES

GAMEBALL

MOLINA

KABOOM, in what seems like a broken record, Molina got the Giants started AGAIN with a solo bomb and 2 run bomb to key the Giants offense……
Seems like I am repeating myself,…and I am…..yes 35 year old catcher……but you bring him back…….period……..having too many bats is a problem we can always deal with later…….

TIP OF THE CAP :
BATS
A funny thing happened on the way to a Giants win…..we scored MORE runs…….Lewis, Burriss and Uribe all had two hits in the 8 run 12 hit attack…..Heck even Schierholtz and Cain got into the act……

CAIN
Had little control off the offspeed stuff….but was able to overwhelm the Rockies with fastballs…….allowing an astonishing one hit, with an arsenal than consisted of a fastball and a hanging curve


JOKER

BANNY

Wasn't sure how to handle this news…..I mean, with all of the "now you know how it feels like" cheer being felt by Giants fans this seems like a great chance to stick one more jab into the Dodgers ribs…….But then again as a semi-serious internet baseball poster, I feel a certain obligation to take a more serious tone and reflect on what impact Manny's positive test has on the great game of baseball…….,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

BWHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHA
Yeah, Booby Booby Ramirez……Needle in your butt, and Raisins for NUTS……..Manny "No' Wood for sure……..
OK……got that out of my system……..
So as a Giants fan, we have been the subject of more slings and arrows than the rest of Baseball. Bonds was the poster boy, and everyone directed their PED venom to all things Orange and Black, to the extent you would think Barry invented steroids…….by now even the most ardent Bonds supporters, would have to admit the likelihood he used steroids, and may or may not have come to terms with that fact……and as Giants fans we were pointed to and perhaps are still pointed to as being in denial about Barry…..when in fact what was clear to us a few years ago, is now becoming to clear to all…….Steroids and performance enhancing drugs have been running rampant in baseball……and no one knows WHO, WHAT, HOW LONG, WHAT EFFECT, and even WHEN IT STARTED………
McGwire, and Sosa are spared partly because they were loved figures, and partly because they were irrelevant to active baseball……
Bonds…..well, he was the lightening rod, basically because he was a Horse's Ass, and he holds the two Home Run records, and people relate Power to PED's…….
Clemens…..well that opened a few eyes, as pitchers now became suspects as well
Arod, honestly…..this was a big one I didn't see coming…….pretty boy, the savior from the steroid era, was himself as dirty as Bonds……
And now a Manny Ramirez……caught red handed…..in the middle of a season and subject to suspension……..
Its time for everyone to admit it……WE DON'T KNOW
Albert Pujols????
Carlton Fisk?????
Nolan Ryan?????
Cal Ripken????
WE DON'T KNOW!!!!
If we find out later that some of these players amazing accomplishments were made with PED's……you might be shocked…..but it would still make sense……but you know what….they are still amazing achievements…….
So…..all we can do,…is further strengthen testing and hope to clean the game up moving forward……..
As far as the past…..as you can do is take it in context for what it was….some amazing baseball that was "PED Aided" and looked through in that prism…….
The records are what they are, and it's consistent with the history of an every chaging game……..
With a 5 man rotation, no one is winning 511 again
No astro turf….no one is stealing 1406 bases again
Mound Lowered…no one is posting a 1.12 ERA again
So deal with it…. the Home Run Record is in the same camp
after the game is clean from the current users, gonna be hard to hit 800+ like Arod…….


Oh yeah,…..by the way……have to take this moment to do a little "rub it in your face"




SMACK OF THE STICK :
AURILIA
Playing in place of Ishikawa…..did his best Ishi impression……with a big fat 0 fer

GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/6 GIANTS at ROCKIES

GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/6 GIANTS at ROCKIES


GAMEBALL

SAY HEY

Could throw, hit, run, catch, and hit for power……..Willie was and IS the man……The Phenom turned Legend……Heck even has one of those mythical pieces of Jewelry known as a Giants World Series Ring……...Dozens of ballplayers have been labeled the "Next" Willie Mays…..but as time always shows…..there is only ONE Willie Mays……
So Happy Birthday Willie Mays…….and in my minds eye I can see you patrolling ATT and can see you snatching sure triples at the 421 sign…..


TIP OF THE CAP :
BURRISS
Scored a run for the Giants….in a game…..serious……

ADAM WITTER
Fresno Catcher…..has HR's in 3 straight games…….going for 4 (game in progress)




JOKER

SUCK

It’s a long season, blah blah blah…..
Yeah, I could sit and rationalize things…..but that's not my job here….
You see my job here is to myopically condense the emotion of this ballgame into a couple of poorly proofread wanna-be paragraphs……
So you will have to excuse me if I shread not only rational though, but anything Strunk and White every held sacred……
Yes, the Giants weird ass road trip brought them to the Rocky Mountains, where the water runs clean, the living is easy, and nothing like a Cold Can of Suck to soothe a mans soul……and the Giants brought quite a bit of SUCK to tonights game…….
OUTCLASSED on both sides of the ball, by a team that was YOUNGER and BETTER
Randy's slow slurvy loopy shit was not match power bats of the Rockies
And watching Giants hitters try and touch 97 MPH heat on the corner was like watching MICHAEL J FOX try to ear JELLO with a pair of CHOPSTICKS…..although not nearly as funny…..

SMACK OF THE STICK :
LEWIS
A Special place for you Freddie……I don't know how you got there, but you are so deep inside your own noggin, I am starting to think you might not find your way back out……

GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/5 GIANTS at CUBS

GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/5 GIANTS at CUBS


GAMEBALL

MOLINA

Dude…..Buster WHO????
The lame duck Bengie Molina, IS THE GIANTS OFFENSE……and today he put the Giants ahead early with a 3 run bomb in the first…..and that’s all the offense they would need…23% of RBI's, and 29% of the Giants HR's…..and it seems like all those HR's and RBI's are in pivotal situations…..and its almost as if Bengie knows he had to knock these runners in as he has gone the ENTIRE SEASON without a SINGLE WALK……
Resign the bastard, Move Posey to 3rd or OF or WHATEVER…just remember…..you take BENGIES BAT OUT OF THE LINEUP….2010 offense is WORSE than 2009…..


TIP OF THE CAP :
RENTERIA
Nifty bunt to start the 1st rally……scratched out a walk to start the 2nd rally……heck even threw in a SB…..

TIM
Was a little off his game, but still had enough to dominate a weak Cubs lineup for 7 solid……

RICHIE
Couple singles in the middle of two rallies

ROWAND
FINALLY….broke his 0 for 20 with a double with the bases juiced, breaking the game open…..

BURRISS
2 hits…..a walk and a steal…..showing signs…..showing signs…….

MERKIN
OK kids……you remember April 2008???? The Giants bullpen looked BAD ASS????
In key role was a flamethrower named MERKIN……..0.68 ERA….1.18 WHIP……..12 K's in 13 1/3 Innings…….A fastball, mixed in with the occasional nasty Slider and Change???? This is the kinda arm that Championship Bullpens are made off…….If he can stay healthy, throw strikes….he will be fine….and with Affeldt and Wilson already throwing BB's…..you got a trio of arms at the back end of the bullpen that will be worth a lot of wins…….


JOKER

PAINTED CHICKS

OK, I like to think I am liberal and open minded…
Equal opportunity, equal rights, you know …. all that shit
Make perfect sense that women should have the right to do the same things as men…….but listen…..we are talking Lawyers, Doctors, Professors, Politicians, and other positions of power……pretty sure Susan B Anthony was not fighting for your right to be a "Professional Sports Fan Body Painter"
First of all, your torso has um……private bits……that obscure the message presented….
Second of all, Body Painting is best done by over zealous male teenagers, or inebriated twenty-somethings as some sort of high testosterone, attention whore male bonding spectacle …..
So please, leave the infantile practice of body painting at sports venues to the men….it just makes sense…..and if you do feel the need to release your inner immature attention whore….might I suggest "Girls Gone Wild"…..

SMACK OF THE STICK :
LEWIS
Blogger Lewis, sat down and went over the finer points of hitting with Barry Bonds the other night…….since then…….4 for 23 with 6 K's and 2 walks…….not exactly Bonds like for sure……..
And although Fred was more aggressive at the plate today….he saw his batting average drop 19 points in one day, after being busted in on the hands and lunging at pitches Pablo woulda laid off……FREDDIE…..Go back and look at film from the last two years…..Back to the basics….Selectively aggressive with an opposite field stroke…….heck the way things are going for you, I would even try to inside out anything on the inner half…….

GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/4 GIANTS at CUBS

I can take a loss as well as the next guy, but when you spend the night beating yourself….well it ……makes one pretty pissed ….(you know it’s a bad night, when beating yourself isn't followed by some sort of dick joke)

Miscues in the field, Walks left and right, swinging at pitches 10 feet off the plate…….The Giants brough home the Triple Crown of suck tonight….and somehow managed to only lose by 2……..so much potential here…..so much potential…….so much suck…….

GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/4 GIANTS at CUBS


GAMEBALL

BOCHY

Hard to find something to hang your cap on, when the night is a dismal shoot yourself in the foot uphill battle……
But there were a few things I take as signs of encouragements, such as Howry's performance tonight…..
Howry came into a game with the Giants down by 2 runs and proceeded to shut down the Cubs for 2 innings giving the Giants a final chance to catch up…….
The performance itself was encouraging, but more than that was how Howry was used……WHEN THE GIANTS WERE TRAILING…….yes, kids hopefully we can take this as a sign that Howry has worked his way down the pecking order, and some setup chances will come Miller, Medders, and maybe even the mystery men Matos and Valdez might get a shot…of course…..nothing like two scoreless innings to work your way back into Bochy's lap……

TIP OF THE CAP :
SANDOVAL
Refuses to get dragged into the morass that has engulfed the rest of the Giants offense……..

MILLER
2 solid innings, to keep things close….not bad for a guy that didn't even break with the team on opening day…..


JOKER

ROWAND

I could pick on anyone of 15 Giants here……but you know what? Rowand is pissing me off more than any of these fuckers…….
In the number 5 spot…..which was the pivotal position in tonights game……
After a shaky 1st inning from Sanchez, Molina lead off the 2nd with a single….only to have Rowand bounce into an easy DP
In the fourth, with Sandoval standing on 2nd, Rowand hit a 27 bouncer to Short….
In the 6th, after the Giants rallied for 2 runs and Molina on first……Rowand quickly down 0-2 fough off a ball off that was literally 2 feet off the plate, only to then try to hit a pitch about shoulder high…
And then in the 9th trying to comeback from a 2 run deficit…….Rowand got strike 2 on a swing and misse at a slider so low and off the plate that Pedro Feliz started laughing….and to add injury to insult…..Roward then watched strike 3 float across the outside corner o the plate…..

FUN WITH GAMEDAY!!!
Red dot = Stiike/ Foul
Green dot = Ball
Image 1, Rowand's 4th inning AB

Image 2, Rowand's 9th inning AB (notice, I have to zoom out to get pitch 3 in frame)


And just for fun, lets take a look around the National League lineups tonight at the #5 hitters…..
A Ramirez, M Tejada, E Dukes, B Moss, M Cameron, J Bruce, D Uggla, J Francouer, D Wright, C Headley, B Hawpe, J Werth, B Ludwick, J Upton, J Loney……
Compare that to A Rowand…….The only guy I wouldn't take over Rowand would be B Moss……and he's just a kid…..and Moss actually had a RBI tonight…..


SMACK OF THE STICK :
BATS
If hitting is contagious, then someone needs to do a Swine Flu screening on the Giants bats……and like a Contra Costa elementary school, the Giants bats have been shut down since last week……
Bad at bats followed by bat at bats…..this team's offense is stuck in quicksand and the more they struggle the tighter the grip…….Tonight's image that struck me was Winn at the plate getting a belt high curveball which he pounds straight into the ground …..the camera shot shows an obviously frustrated and pissed off Winn, as Ishikawa is watching over him from the on deck circle……that sort of thing has to rub off on the kids…..if here is a "proven veteran" hitter having one hell of a time at the plate, then what chance does Ishikawa have?
Ishi proceeds to work a 3-0 count, only to get jammed by a 90 MPH fastball on the hands a few pitches later…….I swear one big bat in the middle of this lineup, and the complexion of the game changes…..these guys can relax and play their game…….but until then, it’s a struggle……..so pray of a run scoring double play and a 1-0 win

GLOVES
You thought bad hitting was contagious, what about bad outfield defense……
Winn came down with a case of "Freddie" playing matador with a ball lost in the lightswith 2 men on and no one out that directly lead to the Cubs 4th run…..
And then Rowand also showed symptoms of "Freddie" by getting his heel of the glove on the ball and dropping the catch……

UMPS
Borderline calls to be sure……but sure woulda been nice to have just 1 of those
more fun with gameday
Red dot = Stiike/ Foul
Green dot = Ball
Soto's bases loaded walk in the 1st

GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/3 ROOKIES at GIANTS

GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/3 ROOKIES at GIANTS


GAMEBALL

ZITO

Good god….is this for reals????
I am not sure what to do, my guts are telling me to hate, while my mind is cheering…….my body is at war with itself as I watch the Zito pitch today…..
Hitting his spots, making hitters look foolish…..inducing groundballs……not only does this not look like a Zito I have ever seen, this is better than I read about when he was back in Oaktown……He missed the "magical" average fastball of 86 by a hair at 85.86 MPH, but that didn't matter as he pitchers MASTERFULLY allowing 1 walk and 2 hits in 7 scoreless innings…….
So AGAIN we hand the ball over to the overpaid, overrated ZITO……if he keeps this up, the Giants might just end up over .500 this year…..


TIP OF THE CAP :
BURRISS
Well, after spending the first month of the year as a pussy ass slap hitting Judy from the left side…..Burriss has made some progress and become a pussy ass slapping hitting hitter…….Finally some hard hit balls to left field last couple of days which should help some confidence……now lets see you turn on a couple when they start busting you inside

LEWIS
FINALLY, grip it and rip it……on a team of hackers, Lewis is guily of the opposite sin….looking for a walk……you approach every pitch as if you are going to hit it…..you start looking for balls, and you will soon turn and head back to the dugout with your bat on your shoulder……

AURILIA
Proven veteran…….=)

PABLO
2nd steal of the year ……The same total as Lewis, Torres, and Velez combined…….

JOKER

MERKIN

What the fuck is going on……
Giants are 8-0 when Merkin is not in attendance……
1-4 when Merkin is in the house ( the win, was opening day)
Is the bad juju from all your past sins following you to the ballpark?
Are the jeers directed at the opposition having the opposite effect?
Is you breath really that bad?
Does god just HATE you???
Could it be gingivitis????
Whatever it is, baseball is a game of superstition and you are hearby banned from the stadium for any game for which you have not already purchased a ticket

SMACK OF THE STICK :
BATS
Isn't that just a given?

BOCHY
No reason, just wanted to see this again

GAMEBALL and JOKE 5/1 ROOKIES at GIANTS

(WARNING: the word PENIS is used in tonight's write up, if you won't want to read the word PENIS stop now, this warning is because some people may be offended by the word PENIS)


GAMEBALL and JOKE
5/1 ROOKIES at GIANTS


GAMEBALL

JOHNSON

297 and counting…..and the Unit still can GET IT UP there pretty fast and its STILL HARD enough …You see it is natural when a Man ages, his ABILITY TO PERFORM can be inconsistent…..and after handing out 7 free passes in his last outing the UNIT WAS PULLED OUT by Bochy…..but Randy was far from IMPOTENT tonight, as his imposing figure stood ERECT on the mound he used every TOOL at his disposal and BEAT OFF any offensive threats
So good Job Randy, although you were on the bench for the CLIMAX of the game, you deserved today's WIN and GAMEBALL

PS……PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS


TIP OF THE CAP :
ISHI
FINALLY!!! Ishi did some damage on this cold rainy night at the Stick……errr ATT in MAY…….with a run scoring DOUBLE that woulda cleared the fence most nights……nice to see aggressive hacks from the kid

WINN
Some FINE glove work in Right, and a KEY stolen base in the 3rd to get the Giants their 2nd run

SANDOVAL
2 hits including a Triple that was almost as slow as Molina

WILSON
Was taken to the limit tonight….bailing out Howry/ Affeldt with a torturous 4 out save…….thats 2 for 2 post twitter……

RENTERIA
Hey….couldn't get the outs, but just stopping the ball 2x kept the game in check

JOKER

SETUP MEN

Good job JOKERS…….a hard fought 3 run lead almost disappeared in less than an inning……the two "Veteran Saviors" of the bullpen, looked like the same old characters ….well actually I have no idea what it looked like….but it sounded like shit as they got smacked around the stadium……..
Good thing Wilson had your back……

SMACK OF THE STICK :
COMCAST
If I wanted to listen to a ballgame, I woulda been born in the 50's…..
No today we got Satalites, High Def, Extra Inning Packages….and pay out the ASS for it…….just so we can listen to our $2500 Television like it was a goddamn RCA RADIO…….

BOCHY
I hear your head got downgraded from a Planet to a Moon…..my condolences…..

PADRES
Goddamnit……0-0 game into the ninth……gave up 3 fucking hits all night……lose the game on a walk off based loaded walk…….thats almost as bad as ending the game on a Benitez Balk…..