But this is how I see things breaking this year....
Aaron Rowand: June 18th, in a stunning development, Aaron discovers not only is he Dominican, but he is really 38 years old, and then crashes into fence
Randy Winn: April 6th, after having a 4 hit day to open season, signed to 10 year contract extension.
Andres Torres: On May 14th is brought in as a defensive replacement, taking over for Eugenio Velez who was brought in as a defensive replacement for Aaron Rowand.
Barry Zito: All Star break, while Twittering on a date with both Olsen Twins…..discovers he is Right Handed…. Finishes season with 15 wins.
Nate Schierholtz: Hits his first HR on July 4th, in his first at bat of the season
Pablo Sandoval: On April 15th, becomes the first player to play a full nine innings at 3rd Base AND Catcher
Travis Ishikawa: Hits 12 Homers, with a .272 Average, and a .366 OBP with stellar defense at first base. Losses job at first because fans don't claim he saves 50 runs a year with defense, and he isn't good enough looking…..
Bengie Molina: Often maligned as the slowest player in the majors, actually beats Aaron Rowand in a foot race
Brian Sabean: June 27th, reunites with his 3 estranged brothers.
Randy Johnson: In a further effort to soften his image, is seen during the Folsom street fair sporting a Halter Top and Feather Boa….
Jonathan Sanchez: On June 7th, strikes out 14, walks 12 and is pulled after 4 innings.
Bruce Bochy: August 29th…..NASA discovers the evidence that water exists in his head, proving that at one point it could have supported life
Merkin Valdez: May 18th, sprains ligament in pinkie….out for season
Edgar Renteria: Returns to his All Star form….revealed the secret to his up and down performance is not National League pitching but proximity to his supply of "Columbian Sugar"
Steve Holm: Just to prove the Giants hate him….. he is traded.to a newly formed team in …..Guantanamo
Matt Cain: On August 21st, throws 4 hit shut out and loses
AJ Pierzinski: June 24th….before a Dodger / White Sox game……kicks Stan Conte in groin…becomes hero in San Francisco…..
Kevin Frandsen: Has a torrid April hitting .500 at AAA…..demoted to AA Norwich.. replaced in Fresno by Brian Dallimore
Billy Sadler: August 14th, it is revealed he is renting a house from Tommy Lasorda, is engaged to Don Drysdale's daughter, and fathered a child with Russell Martin
Brian Wilson: May 2nd, takes mound resplendent in black leather and metal studs…..realizes he has crossed the line from tough guy to…. leather daddy
Emmanuel Burriss: To bolster rotation……only 10 games back on August 31st…..Traded for Jamie Moyer
Fred Lewis: Hits 24 Homers, steals 47 bases…..after season reveals he has playing with wooden leg.
Eugenio Velez: September 14th when approaching 3rd, notices 3rd base coach Tim Flannery wildly making a wind mill motion with his arm…..wonders if he is trying to tell him something
Tim Lincecum: Showing you can't overuse Tim's name and likeness, the Giants expand the line of Tim Merchandise to include….. Action Figures, Shoes, and of course what fan could be without……Tim Lincecum Cologne…..Eau De Seabiscuitte
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